On Rape, Closure and Restoration

If you have been raped, first, I’m really sorry for such a traumatic experience, and I wish you a resounding healing. You have the right to speak out and confront the useless man, and don’t let people silence you by victim-blaming. Although public accusations or claims that cause outrage and sensations are generally disliked in Islam, there’s an exception according to God in Surah Nisa, ayah 148 for someone who has been wronged. Speak out if it helps and may God be with you.

Do what you need to heal and please lean on the shoulders of those you know will support you.

If – thank God – you have not experienced this, then please don’t hurt the victims who have in fact experienced it by either trolling them or by getting swept by the trend and making false accusations on someone you might have grudges with as we have seen – through evidences – in very few cases, like that of Tariq Ramadan. Please.

I’m a big believer in the falibility of humans, especially men, so someone reading this post might have at a point engaged in rape, and this is my advice if that person is you:

You have to find a way to reach out to the person you violated. You have to seek her forgiveness, and I highly recommend that after she forgives you, you ask her for whatever she wants (financial compensation, etc) as a form restorative justice. Be remorseful. Beg her and help her reach closure. There’s no way around this. That you have turned a new leaf doesn’t matter. You have to go back and seek her forgiveness.

Being on the defensive will not help us, o assembly of men. Good of you, you’re not a rapist, but that doesn’t mean your friend isn’t. We need to be introspective and reflective of those unspeakable thoughts and the casual talks we had in passing years ago, these will bring about some brutal truths we’re shying away from, and will bring us to a sober place regarding the prevalence of disrespect for our only life companions – women.

Finally, in the words of Yusuf, alehi salam,…I do not pretend to be blameless, for man’s very soul incites him to evil unless my Lord shows mercy: He is most forgiving, most merciful.’

-Sura Yusuf, Ayah 53

Let’s create a better world for our children to live in.


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