Mortality: A Husband’s Reflection

The closest encounter I’ve had with my own mortality happened a day after the birth of my son. Yes, in the hospital bathroom, I fell, blacked out. I had been gripped with extreme dizziness and malaria. It was my wife’s voice that brought me back to life. Her eyes was on me, the door half opened. Her face said it all. Despair. Shock. Sorrow. Pain. Fear.
‘Tohib…’ she called, and at that moment, I saw my sweetheart at her most vulnerable. Months later, I asked her what she would have done if I had died that morning.

That day stuck in my head. If I die today, the person who will be hit the most is my wife. If you die today, your spouse and children will bear most of the brunt, so show compassion to them. They deserve it most. Laying helplessly on the tiled, cold floor of the hospital’s bathroom put life into perspectives for me, my son was a day old, my wife still in pain, and Allah showed me that these people are the ones I owe kindness, compassion, love, and protection, so when he gave me more opportunities in life, I have to live up to His expectations of me.

You’re Mr. Charming at work. The cool brother in the masjid. The best sibling. But when it comes to your household, you’re cold. No humor in the house. No love spread. Everything is just a routine. You scold with your eyes, while your hands are glued to your phone. You discuss the injustices of Nigeria, and here’s your wife crying internally, yearning for you to engage her, to assist her. You are full of yourself that you can’t bring yourself to say, I’m sorry, and to accept corrections. You call it male ego. But it’s not. It’s just arrogance and selfishness.

If you die today, your wife’s life plans would be on hold for 4 months and ten days. The least you can do is give her good memories of you. Please unplug yourself from the distractions or mindset that sees being loving to your wife as gbewudani thingy, and embrace her this weekend. Give her a surprise hug. Hold her tightly and tell her you will try your best to be the best husband. Hold her, plant a warm kiss on her. And ask her to tell you, and listen, and be better. May your love graduate from love in Miami to the glorified Love in Tokyo. 😍

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