Recently a brother told my wife and I that he wishes to send his child when he becomes 2 years old to a boarding school where he will memorize… The child will come back at the age of 10 or 12. Already a scholar.

Childhood. One of the joys of life is looking back at my own childhood years and basking in the nostalgia that comes with it. I loved everything about it except for the one year I spent at a boarding house. I was so young, around 7 years old. The management of the school did their best, but…there was the feeling of being out of place. Thankfully it was only a year.

Listen, we shouldn’t be outsourcing too much during the early childhood as these are crucial times to build attachment with the children. Realities differ, but children need to be building bonds with close relatives (where are the grandparents? The aunts? Uncles?) during these times and not a hostel coordinator. Developmentally, it isn’t best practice to put children under the age of 10 at boarding schools – for whatever reasons. And I seriously question the proliferation of boarding schools catering to children who normally should be under their parents. Kínní wọn kọ ní Primary School!

The ancient practice of the Arabs sending toddlers to the bedouin is totally different from the boarding school system where things go by payments. Bedouin foster parents don’t even collect money. They felt it was unethical. And the foster parents remain parents forever. The children build bonds and develop fus’ha, not just some rote memorization skills. Plus that was a totally different socio-cultural context. I mention this because our people love to download phenomenon from history without studying its contexts and pondering over the effects it may have.

Where are we running to? Why are we rushing these children? You’re today practicing Islam as best as you can. You’re married. You’re earning. You’re doing well. Alhamdulillah. Now think back at your own childhood, did someone in the name of becoming a Hafeez throw you at such a young age into the hands of strangers? Is hifz the only hallmark of Islamic parenting? Did Luqman in the Qur’an outsource giving heart-to-heart counsel to an Ustaz or did he talk to his child himself? Or are we secretly trying to live our unfulfilled dreams through them?

One time during a meeting with my son’s Qur’an teacher I fussed about how he is doing not so well, and the teacher, a very wise woman told me they’re trying to build love of the Qur’ān in their students. They don’t want Qur’ān to be associated with tears and yelling. I felt those words in me because I had been doing just that. And I was beginning to see the association. That’s when I started focusing more on reading the translation along with the Arabic with the children and I would see so much joy in their eyes when they’re reading the meanings and discussing them.

Don’t implode these children because of your ghul.

Again, where are we going? The al-majiri system probably started with best of intentions, too. We in the southwest are reinventing the same thing. The only difference is there’s no poverty and we’re paying the fees. However if care is not taken and we don’t review our practices, we’ll pay dearly with the lost years of attachment and affection.

I asked the brother if he could trust people with a 50 million naira business and not be there to manage it. He said no vehemently. And you’re willing to trust a whole child at such a young age when you are doing nothing?

To what end, people? To what end? There is no silverbullet. Do your best. The middle path. Provide structure. Teach what you can. Let them learn from school and madrasah. Pray to Allah. And leave the rest. You are the most important teacher in their lives. You can’t outsource this.

I know we’ve become helicopter Islamic parents, and I debate mentioning this because I can’t possibly claim to want better for other’s people children than the parents themselves, but perhaps this will temper our emotions and remind us the need to calm down and let the children live and enjoy their childhood.

May Allah make our children among the ones pleasing to Allah and pleased with Him.